Another raindrop. Plunk. On top of her box.
The angry gray clouds swirl overhead
so low.
They reach down to engulf him.
The breeze off the lake is cold. So cold.
Blink.
He pulls the blanket tighter around Joey and Anne Marie.
He holds them. Brave troopers.
He feels nothing.
He blinks once. Again.
But the scene in front of him shatters. Someone spun the kaleidoscope.
Blink. Blink.
Then clear. Her box comes back into focus.
Dark shapes circle around.
The priest. Words but no sound.
Raindrops on the wood. Plunk.
Plunk, Plunk.
It began long ago. It happened so fast. An unusual disease.
Very bad the doctor said. But there was one hope.
The insurance lady said they'd call back. Next week.
They tried to explain to Joey and Anne Marie. But words can’t explain.
It’s an unusual disease. Very rare they say.
And she said they would call back. Next week.
Rain beats down against the top of her box.
Blink. Blink.
The days dragged on. They flew by so fast.
She was always so brave.
She maintained her belief.
She was better than him.
Blink.
Blink.
The insurance lady said, “Maybe next week.”
The rain slowed.
Plunk. Plunk. Plunk.
She kept going to work. She couldn’t work anymore.
Doctors gave her new pills. They waited for more.
She grew smaller and smaller.
Then faded to black.
Blink.
The lady said they would call back. One more week.
Plunk.
Another raindrop on top of her box.
Make sure you wear a hat and a lot of sunscreen or this could be your life!
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
What is Success?
Have you ever felt like a complete failure? Ridiculed by your friends, laughed at by your family, scorned by your dog! Perhaps the key to ensuring this never happens again is by revisiting how you define failure, and therefore, how you define success. Do your definitions empower you or do they weaken you? Most of us employ disastrous definitions of success and failure which make the accomplishment of success impossible from our own perspective. Over time our repeated perception of failure leads us to eventually give up on our dreams and settle for far less than our potential because we don't want to fail anymore. We'll take even self-destructive actions if it means we can avoid what we have come to identify as failure.
I know what you're thinking. "But Rob, surely it can't be that easy, can it? If I just revise my definition of failure, then BAM!, I'm instantly a success? After all, in the end isn't it just results that count? Either we win or we lose. Success or failure. I can't just declare winners losers and losers winners without totally deluding myself, can I?"
One of my favorite coaches on leadership and success is the late John Wooden. Coach Wooden led the UCLA men's basketball team to 10 national championships in 12 years, including, at one stretch, 7 in a row. This was an unprecedented accomplishment at the time and, may be equaled, but never exceeded. He probably knows a thing or two about success. He developed his own definition and rules about success that, at first, seemed ridiculous to me. One rule that his father taught him home on the farm was "never try to be better than somebody else." Can you imagine that? Here is a man who made history coaching his teams to beat others more consistently than any other ever, and one of his fundamental life-rules was - "never try to be better than the other guy."
Another rule from Dad was to always learn from others, and a third, never cease trying to be the best you can be. These are all rules that are in your own control. Coach Wooden says that if we spend to much time on things we can't control we will lose control of the things we can.
From these simple rules Coach came up with his definition of success and here it is:
Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable.
That bears repeating. Success is peace of mind (and internal state to you) which is a direct result of self-satisfaction (another internal state) in knowing you made the effort (you and no one else made the effort) to become the best of which you are capable. Nowhere in that definition does it mention others or does it mention outcomes or results. There is no winning or losing. When asked about the most successful players he ever coached, one would have thought Wooden would answer with players whose names everyone knows, like Kareem Abdul Jabaar, or Bill Walton. But instead he mentioned two virtual unknowns who never found NBA success. He said that when he first saw them practice as college freshmen he thought, "If we ever need these two as starters then the program will have fallen on hard times indeed." However, by the time both finished their UCLA careers they were starters on national championship teams. What made them great successes was not their level of talent or the number of victories, but rather, they took the talent they did have and became absolutely the best they could be.
If you adopted Coach Wooden's definition of success would it change how you feel about experiences in your life? Would you enjoy life's journey just a little more if this was your definition of success rather than one requiring "victory?"
I once coached an optimist baseball team of twelve year-olds my son Andrew played on. The league was set up so that all the new kids ended up on the same team. I had to play a child at second base who couldn't throw to first because it was too far. Yet we started off with thirteen kids who showed up all season, practice and games. They gave it their all. When the season started they couldn't make an out or score a run. The first inning would go on for a while until the opposing coach would declare 3 outs so my kids would get a chance to bat. But gradually as the season went on those players got better and better. I can still hear their cheers the first time they got three outs in one inning. By the end of the season they were actually competitive with the other teams. They didn't win a game that season but I was so proud of every one of those kids. They did their best at every practice and every game. And I know, looking back on that season, every one of them felt like a success.
Coach Wooden liked this poem and I will end with it:
I know what you're thinking. "But Rob, surely it can't be that easy, can it? If I just revise my definition of failure, then BAM!, I'm instantly a success? After all, in the end isn't it just results that count? Either we win or we lose. Success or failure. I can't just declare winners losers and losers winners without totally deluding myself, can I?"
One of my favorite coaches on leadership and success is the late John Wooden. Coach Wooden led the UCLA men's basketball team to 10 national championships in 12 years, including, at one stretch, 7 in a row. This was an unprecedented accomplishment at the time and, may be equaled, but never exceeded. He probably knows a thing or two about success. He developed his own definition and rules about success that, at first, seemed ridiculous to me. One rule that his father taught him home on the farm was "never try to be better than somebody else." Can you imagine that? Here is a man who made history coaching his teams to beat others more consistently than any other ever, and one of his fundamental life-rules was - "never try to be better than the other guy."
Another rule from Dad was to always learn from others, and a third, never cease trying to be the best you can be. These are all rules that are in your own control. Coach Wooden says that if we spend to much time on things we can't control we will lose control of the things we can.
From these simple rules Coach came up with his definition of success and here it is:
Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable.
That bears repeating. Success is peace of mind (and internal state to you) which is a direct result of self-satisfaction (another internal state) in knowing you made the effort (you and no one else made the effort) to become the best of which you are capable. Nowhere in that definition does it mention others or does it mention outcomes or results. There is no winning or losing. When asked about the most successful players he ever coached, one would have thought Wooden would answer with players whose names everyone knows, like Kareem Abdul Jabaar, or Bill Walton. But instead he mentioned two virtual unknowns who never found NBA success. He said that when he first saw them practice as college freshmen he thought, "If we ever need these two as starters then the program will have fallen on hard times indeed." However, by the time both finished their UCLA careers they were starters on national championship teams. What made them great successes was not their level of talent or the number of victories, but rather, they took the talent they did have and became absolutely the best they could be.
If you adopted Coach Wooden's definition of success would it change how you feel about experiences in your life? Would you enjoy life's journey just a little more if this was your definition of success rather than one requiring "victory?"
I once coached an optimist baseball team of twelve year-olds my son Andrew played on. The league was set up so that all the new kids ended up on the same team. I had to play a child at second base who couldn't throw to first because it was too far. Yet we started off with thirteen kids who showed up all season, practice and games. They gave it their all. When the season started they couldn't make an out or score a run. The first inning would go on for a while until the opposing coach would declare 3 outs so my kids would get a chance to bat. But gradually as the season went on those players got better and better. I can still hear their cheers the first time they got three outs in one inning. By the end of the season they were actually competitive with the other teams. They didn't win a game that season but I was so proud of every one of those kids. They did their best at every practice and every game. And I know, looking back on that season, every one of them felt like a success.
Coach Wooden liked this poem and I will end with it:
At God's footstool to confess
A poor soul knelt and bowed his head.
"I failed!" he cried. The Master said
Thou didst thy best. That is success.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Would I die for Osama bin Laden?
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.” (Mt 5:38-48) Do I love the terrorists who piloted those three planes 10 years ago? Do I pray for them and those who would be like them?
Do I love the radical suicide bombers in Afghanistan and Iraq? In Israel or London? Have I ever prayed for them?
Do I love the abortion doctor or the mother who used his or her services and do I pray for them?
Have I ever prayed for the politician who makes decisions I see as ruinous or anti-American? Do I love him or her?
These were hard words for me when I heard them this morning and set me to some serious reflection about my own hypocrisy. Angry demonstrators are screaming at each other in Madison. TV personalities are calling their political adversaries evil. Political discourse in this country is dominated by hyperbole and lies instead of honest debate. And the anger grows and grows. It makes me wonder what the atmosphere in the country felt like in 1860 leading up to the Civil War?
Before today I can’t say that I ever prayed for Osama Bin Laden, or Mohammed Attah. I haven’t prayed for Sarah Palin or John Boehner or Florida Governor Rick Scott. Can I honestly say I love them? And, what does that mean? Should I compromise on my closest held values because I love my adversary? If I love Osama Bin Laden does that mean I don’t want him hunted down and brought to justice? If I love the mother who just terminated her pregnancy does that mean I think her abortion was right? Does it mean I think the doctor acted morally? What does it really mean to say I love my enemy?
I, for one, don’t know the answers to these deeply personal questions. And as I look around at friends and family I don’t see too many people even asking these questions. We all seem to be too busy feeling angry and shouting. I know I have been. That’s why this reading from Matthew struck me so strongly this morning. Though I don’t know the answers, I don’t think it means that we all become pacifists or surrender to our adversaries and enemies. Also in Matthew Jesus was quoted as saying "Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword.” But when his time of death came he didn’t summon legions of angels to wipe the high priests and Pharisees from the face of the earth as he easily could have. He walked humbly to his death carrying his own cross in order to save many of the very same people who shouted “crucify him” the night before. Would I likewise die for Osama bin Laden? Would I die to save an abortion doctor? Could I actually do that?
I know it’s human to be angry and hate. But it’s not divine.
Image by Narayan Mahon for The New York Times
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